Secret #1: Return to the Beginning

Memories are the key not to the past, but to the future. —Corrie Ten Boom

Romantic Beginnings

Getting married is one of the most important steps in our lives. Whether our beginnings were blindly romantic or cautious and uncertain, all of us allowed hope to override any doubt when we said, “Yes” or “I do.” We were able to do so because of our tender experiences with one another. Take a few minutes to think back and remember what your love was like in the beginning. Elder Joe J. Christensen reminded us that “‘Memory is the one Garden of Eden out of which one need never be cast.’ Good memories are real blessings.”3

Remembering is an important step even if you are still a newlywed. It’s amazing how quickly you can forget the very early stages of your romance during your courtship and even the first few weeks of your marriage. For those who have been married longer, the following three examples of other couples may stir your memories.

• Devin remembers the anticipation he felt on the night he asked Laurie to marry him. His heart pounded; he checked the pocket of his jeans again and again. The ring was still there, just waiting for the moment. He took Laurie by the hand, leading her onto a rustic, worn footbridge.

They had been here only once—the year before when they had accidently run on to this quiet little park in search of a place to enjoy a picnic. This was where he had first told her he loved her. He knew this was the place to ask the most wonderful girl he had ever known the most important question of their lives.

Devin held Laurie in his arms, tenderly kissed her, then whispered, “I love you, Laurie.” He took her hand, slipped the sparkling diamond on her finger, and said the words, “Will you marry me?” His heart nearly leaped out of his body when she cried, “Yes! Yes! I love you, too, with all my heart.” And their lips met again in a passionate expression of their love for each other.

For the next few months they planned, talked, disagreed, then agreed, laughed, played, and were certain that their life together would be one of love and joy for always, no matter what happened.

• Elly’s memory of the night Jay proposed to her remains vivid in her mind. She and Jay had been dating for three years. They were in love and they both knew it. They enjoyed concerts, ran together nearly every morning in Central Park, chattered endlessly about political issues they felt passionate about, and shared their job frustrations regularly. They were perfect for each other. So why wouldn’t Jay pop the question? Every time Elly even hinted at marriage he would skillfully change the subject. One evening, as they sat sharing dessert in a cozy little restaurant, Elly tried again.

“This morning Marianne came to work flashing a diamond ring on her left hand,” she said. “She was two feet off the ground telling us all about how her boyfriend had finally asked her to marry him. Jay, honey, do you think we . . .”

He interrupted her, “Well, good for Marianne. Hey, the Knicks are playing tomorrow night. Sam gave me a couple of tickets. Want to go?”

He had done it again, and she was sick of it!

“Stop it!” she said. “Don’t you get it, Jay? I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life, but I can’t take this any longer. Either you and I are getting married or we’re through!”

“I’m just not ready for marriage, Elly.”

“Just what is it that you’re afraid of?” she demanded.

“I don’t know. My parents’ marriage ended in divorce, and I was devastated. I vowed that I would never let that happen to my kids. I’m not ready, Elly, and I don’t know if I ever will be. I can’t do it.”

“Fine! Then we are through!” In tears she ran out the door as he sat watching her go.

That night Elly couldn’t sleep—all she could do was cry. She loved Jay and couldn’t stand to think of life without him. It was two o’clock in the morning when her phone rang.

“Elly, I love you more than anything in this world. I couldn’t bear to lose you. Will you marry me?”

It wasn’t in a quiet romantic setting with a ring in hand, but there he was, on the phone, actually saying the words.

“Oh, yes!” she cried. “I love you so much.”

The next day they went ring shopping and even set the date. And both of them knew it was right.

• Conner and Esther’s beginning was less than ideal. They were sixteen when they started dating, and their young love was intense. They planned to go to college and have successful careers. Their plan was to get married after graduating with their degrees, but the summer before they entered college something happened that changed it all.

They were sitting in the bleachers watching a baseball game when Esther mustered the courage to tell Conner. She knew he loved her, but she was worried that the news she was about to give him could ruin it all. Looking at him with tears in her eyes she said, “I think I’m pregnant.”

“You’re what? Are you sure?” Conner asked in disbelief.

“The tests are positive. There’s no question. We’re going to have a baby.”

“This really changes our plans, doesn’t it?”

Esther had been so worried about this moment. Would he push for an abortion? That just wouldn’t be an option for her. Much to her great relief, he felt the same way. And no, they couldn’t give their child up for adoption. He held her in his arms and they cried together. Then he said, “Esther, we can make it through this, but we’re not bringing a baby into the world without married parents.”

“Is that a proposal?”

“Yes, it is. A few years earlier than we planned, but a definite proposal.”
“And my answer is yes. I love you with all my heart, and we are going to make this work.”

Even if your engagement experience wasn’t like any of these, you can still relate as you remember the joy of that moment when you realized how deep your love was and how much you wanted to be together in spite of all the odds.

New love is vibrantly passionate love. In the beginning, the love a couple shares feels like nothing could ever harm it. During that stage of your life you may have observed other married couples who were struggling and wondered, “Why can’t they see how they’re messing up their marriage? We won’t let that happen to us. We’ll be different.” And you firmly believed it. You made strong commitments to each other and you intended to keep them. You vowed to keep them! Then life’s tasks come in and overshadow those early intentions and your marriage journey becomes complicated. One day you realize that you, too, have begun having the kind of relationship problems that plague so many marriages. And you may be wondering, How did this happen to us?

Secret #1: Return to the Beginning

We Need Help