In Quiet Desperation: Understanding the Challenge of Same-Gender Attraction (Paperback)(edit)
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Most likely, someone you know is living a life of quiet desperation, struggling with feelings of same-gender attraction. In an effort to help Latter-day Saints understand and reach out to those who suffer from this difficulty, Fred and Marilyn Matis discuss how they've dealt with the knowledge of their son Stuart's challenge with same-gender attraction, and how parents and others can reach out with love. In addition, Ty Mansfield discusses his own challenge and how he continues to go forward with faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ. "The Lord promised that he will change our hearts, but he didn't say when," writes Mansfield. "He never promised it would happen in mortality. He only said it would happen."
- Published: October 2004
- Pages: 292
About the Authors
Fred and Marilyn Matis have counseled with dozens of young adults who struggle with the challenge of same-gender attraction. They have also shared their insights with bishops and other Church leaders as well as professional counselors at Brigham Young University. They live in Utah and are the parents of five children.
Ty Mansfield is a marriage and family therapist in Lubbock, Texas, and is currently completing in PhD in that field. He coauthored In Quiet Desperation: Understanding the Challenge of Same-Gender Attraction with Fred and Marilyn Matis, published by Deseret Book in 2004. Ty is a cofounder of the nonprofit organization North Star, a support organization for LDS individuals and families affected by homosexuality. He and his wife, Danielle, are the parents of one son.
Finally - No Rhetoric.
by Customer - reviewed on October 22, 2005
This is a book that offers real peoples' experiences and struggles as they sought the strength of the Lord to carry them from day to day. It's free of the rhetoric and personal agendas that fill almost all of the writings on the subject. This is a book of hope.
An inspiring and insightful book that powerfully addresses one of the most perplexing problems of our day.
by Customer - reviewed on October 18, 2004
For members of the LDS faith who struggle with same-gender attraction this book is perhaps the single best expression of understanding, faith, love, and hope ever published. Ty Mansfield in particular articulates his struggle with succinct power and articulate passion. Mansfield focuses not so much on the cause, for which there is so much debate and complexities, but makes the inspired choice of focusing on how to live with and understand same gender attraction within the framework of the restored gospel. Mansfield makes a compelling case of how to live with and come to terms with same-gender attraction while increasing in faith and devotion to living the gospel. Mansfield words are a beacon of hope and compassion to those who may have felt alone and out of place in the church due to their struggle with same-gender attractions. I hope that anyone who struggles with this difficulty or knows someone who is will take the time to carefully and prayerfully read this book. As a lifetime member of the church, I have struggled with same-gender feelings. Though I am a returned missionary who was married to a beautiful daughter of God in the temple and have a beautiful daughter, I continue to struggle with same-gender attractions. Mansfield has helped me see that with increased love and faith in my Heavenly Father and the empowering nature of the atonement I can live a happy and productive life within my marriage while choosing to keep my covenants. Mansfield has reminded me of the miracles the Lord has given in me life despite my struggle. I have to come to feel the unique love and compassion the Lord showers upon those who seek him. The truth is that there are so many wonderful members of the church who need to feel the love and strength of our family of saints to know that they are needed, loved, and welcome in the church. With great tenderness and passion I recommend this book and hope many more will find greater faith in Christ as they do so. May God grant that the Latter-Day Saints will be a light to the world on reaching out and being a Savior on mount Zion to those who struggle with the difficult and perplexing problems of same-gender attraction.
A message of hope and faith
by Customer - reviewed on July 17, 2006
I have found much hope and faith in reading 'In Quiet Desperation.' I am grateful that there are those out there who are willing to share their stories and shed light on this usually 'dark' or 'forbidden' challenge. I have been dealing with same-sex attraction my entire life and find a great deal of hope in realizing there is a place for me in the Kingdom of my God. I am grateful to the authors for their raw honesty. This book reminds us that we do not have to live a life of misery and fear and depression because of same-sex attraction. The book is uplifting. Excellent resource!
A Mother's Voice
by Customer - reviewed on December 02, 2004
As the mother of a son who struggles with same gender attraction, all I can say is wow! This book is amazing. Thank you, Deseret Book, for publishing this book. I plan on giving copies of it to our Bishop, Stake President and family members ignorant of our personal experiences with same gender attraction. There is so much ignorance with SSA and this book tells of the love and goodness of our loved ones who struggle. This book tells it like it is. It doesn't try to give reasons for this problem, but presents honest, heartfelt FEELINGS. Thank you again for printing this book! A Mother From Oklahoma
Steven In Atlanta
by Michelle - reviewed on March 23, 2005
I could not have made it past my struggles with SSA if it was not for this book. For so long I thought I was the only LDS man who had these thoughts and I never felt more alone. With a wife and 2 children and these dreadful thoughts I felt for sure it was over for me and I had no way out. The support of family written here gave me the courage I needed to seek help from my wife. The support from the Bishop led me to mine also. Life isn't a bed of roses but some church & family support along with some counciling we are on our way!! Thanks!!!!
Well-intended, but the overall message is a bit hopeless
by Bill - reviewed on August 11, 2005
While the writers try to be hopeful and helpful, their overall message is depressing. Many people have overcome same-sex attraction and moved on with their lives. The two stories in this book give the impression that the only outcomes are to commit suicide or just live with it your whole life. There are other options!
This is a Great Book for those who suffer from SSA
by JEFF - reviewed on October 24, 2008
I realized that I am not alone in this church and that we all struggle when we have a loved one who suffers with SSA. We need to embrace them.
This is a must have!
by Customer - reviewed on November 01, 2011
I read this book while struggling through life as a young, LDS guy in search of answers. There are so many great insights and answers provided within its pages and I would highly recommend it for not only men and women struggling with same gender attraction, but also to the parents of those that are struggling. The book is gospel centered and very real. This book is a must have!
This book changed my life
by Customer - reviewed on October 18, 2008
This book is awesome. It really helps you understands what it means to struggle with unwanted same sex attraction. After reading it I understood several things, we can find in the gospel regarding same sex attraction, a lot better.
There is hope in difficult circumstances
by Theodore - reviewed on September 17, 2008
When I first came across this book, I was scared to read it. Already, I had been plagued with guilt because of my attractions--did I really need a book to tell me God didn't love me? A year later, frankly out of desperation, I bought and read it. And I learned the most beautiful thing I had ever heard: God loved me, imperfect though I am. The humbling and tragic tale of Stuart Matis and the long and bounteous journey of Ty Mansfield spoke to all of my insecurities and to my hopes. For anyone who experiences (or if you know of anyone who is)Same-Gender Attraction, the powerful message in this book will bring you to the magnificent footstool of the Lord Jesus' grand atonement. You will never be the same again.
Rather hopeless, try "Voices of Hope" instead
by Customer - reviewed on February 29, 2012
After reading what Ty Mansfield wrote "In Quiet Desperation," I felt hopeless. Then, later, in "Voices of Hope," it was the opposite reaction. Talk about a mighty change! If you are interested in following LDS gospel doctrine and leaving homosexual relationships, I suggest "Voices of Hope."
Explores the Atonement
by Kathy - reviewed on May 22, 2012
A friend recommended this to me as one of the best books she's ever read on the Atonement. Ty Mansfield, in particular, has shared a deep understanding of putting hope in Christ. I'd recommend this book to anyone, whatever the "thorn in my side" might be.
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