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Mary_ellend_edmunds
It’s never easy to say goodbye. At least that’s the way I feel about it.

Did you ever move from the neighborhood of your childhood, or the neighborhood of your season of joy and pleasant days?

Did you ever have a friend who was like a sister, even a twin, move away from you?

Did you ever feel yourself losing control in a room at the MTC as your first son or daughter to serve a mission (or your parents) pulled gently away from your hugs and your tears?

Did you ever have mixed feelings when a son or daughter married and a new family began, and they really did leave father and mother?

Have you ever been betrayed such that goodbye has been so hard, even maybe mixed with bitterness and a sense of deep loss? Has it ever hurt, at any time in your life, to have a dear pet finish their time with you?

Have you ever struggled to say goodbye to a particular season of your life, like the season when everything "worked" pretty well (i.e., your health was good)?

Have you ever watched a loved one slip away through the thin veil to the next part of eternity?

How do YOU handle goodbyes? How have YOU made it through such tender and often painful experiences?

Does prayer help? Can you feel His and Their comfort and peace?

Does it help when you cry, even if you’re all by yourself?

Are the hymns a source of sweet consolation?

How about going in or even near a Temple? Does that help?

If you have someone you trust whom you can talk to, dies it bring solace and comfort?

Do memories help? Or do they sometimes just remind you of that which won’t be part of your relationship from now on?

Have you ever experienced the "Law of Compensation," where Heaven sweetly provides what you need in ever step of the process of saying goodbye?

Have your experiences brought to you a clear feeling of why the Holy Ghost has always been called the Comforter? Have you had times when you’ve realized how good He is with this assignment? Have you been able to identify some specific things which have brought healing?

Can you think of lessons you’ve learned as you’ve faced the "time to say goodbye" (there’s a song with that phrase that really, really tips me over....)? Have you become more compassionate, more aware, more gentle and kind with others because you’ve said your own goodbyes?

Yesterday, on Jesus’s birthday, our sweet, fun, wonderful Mother was admitted to Hospice care — to the skill and compassion of those who’ve attended so many, many goodbyes.

I’m not sure I know how to say goodbye.

But I know what Easter means. And the Atonement. And the great Plan of Happiness. And the phrase that "God is love." And the sweet reality of having a Savior.

laura said...

April 07, 2009

Saying goodbye
It's never easy. I have to take comfort in the fact that many recent Conference talks have mentioned the loss of loved ones. I don't recall it being discussed as much as it has been in the last few years. When my father died, I was ok with it. I was prepared and knew it was coming. When my mother died, my feelings are all over the place and I'm still trying to work them out. A couple weeks ago, a dear friend of mine passed away and what came to my mind that day was "Sunday will come." (october 2006 conference) I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but it will be ok. OH! and yes to the above questions.

Pamela said...

April 10, 2009

heart petals
Your spirit is sure how to do things. It's the earthly body that holds us back. And yes, I have experienced all you describe above, and am still going through much of it. I have turned to your talks during a lot of this for me, because you always lift me up. Thankyou for that. I wish I was able to do the same for you. Just know that there are many who love you and are sorry for your heartbreak, and please carry our thoughts and prayers with you for whatever comfort that may bring. Pam
Mary_ellend_edmunds
HO HO HO

That’s Santa, and he’s speaking Cantonese again. He’s saying "good... it’s good!" And it IS.

As we begin a brand new year, I’d like to propose something a little different about HO HO HO. For the purposes of this little message, I’d like it to stand for HOPE and OPTIMISM. Maybe it can be a "code" we use for ourselves. We look in the mirror each morning (if we dare) and say to our self: "HO HO HO!" It’s a signal that life is good, and it’s going to be a good day. We’re going to do all we can to make it good.

I try to imagine you reading this. Yes, YOU. Has it been a hard year? I mean 2008, not the first few hours or days of this new year. Have there been some times of trouble? Have you felt some discouragement and frustration? Most have, because there’s a lot happening in this world which has had and continues to have huge effects on individuals, families, communities and nations. So does it seem almost ridiculous for me to write a little message about HO HO HO? Some of you maybe haven’t even read this far, because it seems a topic way out of touch with what’s going on in your life, in your home, in your heart. Some of you have not had what you’d consider a good day in a long, long time.

But hold on a minute. Stay with mee. Hang in there. Let me see if I can explain this invitation for 2009 to be a year of HOPE and OPTIMISM.

Here’s something from Nephi (the first Nephi in The Book of Mormon) as he finishes his ministry and his contributions to this sacred book:

2 NEPHI 31:20 — Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.
What a thought-provoking verse of scripture!. What an incredible promise!

One thing I like about it is the idea of pressing FORWARD. A new day, a new year, a new page of your life.

And Nephi attaches "a steadfastness in Christ" to that pressing forward idea. Jesus has made so much possible for us, and Who better to count on, to lean on, to trust! He really IS our Savior, our Redeemer, our Advocate with our Heavenly Father.

Then Nephi adds the part about "having a perfect brightness of hope." Wow. That’s not just your average hope, is it. He could have said "having hope," but ponder his description of the kind of hope that accompanies pressing forward with a steadfastness in Christ. A perfect brightness of hope! Wow again.

Then Nephi reminds us of the two great commandments: loving God and loving each other. Now the recipe is even better, because we’re about to find out what comes from the oven (so to speak) (did I lose you there?... hope not).

And we get to feast! We get to read, study, ponder and apply the words of Christ. Beautiful!

And we endure to the end. Not the end of 2009, not the end of a road or a task or a trial. We endure to the end of each day and each year, experience, and to the end of mortality. And what comes out of the oven? ETERNAL LIFE! I wish I could express how I feel about that. I wish I could describe my feelings in some beautiful way.

Nephi is saying what Jesus wanted him to say — he’s instructing us in HO HO HO — in HOPE and OPTIMISM. He’s saying that if we "hang in there" (press forward, steadfastness in Christ, perfect brightness of hope, love for God and each other, feasting on the scriptures, enduring to the end), we will return HOME.

In spite of anything and everything which may be discouraging or frustrating, in spite of anything which causes you to feel lonely or overwhelmed . . . there is hope smiling brightly before us (from "We Thank Thee O God for a Prophet"). Doctrine and Covenants 68:6 — Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you . . . .

Many of you have read or heard about Anne Frank who hid from the Nazis with her family in a tiny place in a home in Amsterdam. They were in that cramped situation for 25 months! They had to remain completely silent from 8:30 am to 6:30 pm every day! Anne was an optimist. In her journal she described their hiding place as "a little piece of blue heaven, surrounded by heavy black rain clouds."

I suppose we can’t imagine what her circumstances were like, just as I probably can’t imagine what your circumstances are like. But I do know that HOPE and OPTIMISM are possible and that attitude is a choice. We can create and enjoy "a little piece of blue heaven" even at times when we are "surrounded by heavy black rain clouds." So I invite you to consider 2009 as a year of HOPE and OPTIMISM.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! HO HO HO!
Love, MEE

Rebecca said...

January 01, 2009

Hope, Hold On, Home!
I prefer to remember Ho, Ho, Ho as "Hope, Hold On and Home" since I won't remember it if each word doesn't start with "H-O". I just wanted to thank you Mary Ellen, for sharing your thoughts through your seminars, tapes and books. I am part of a group of women who all struggle with various types of eating disorders. Your words and great sense of humor have been of great comfort to many of us over and over again! Happy New Year and Ho-Ho-Ho!
Mary_ellend_edmunds
See if you can find yourself in any of the following (and I realize that if you find yourself in ALL of the following, you’ll need to take 2 aspirin and go to bed for a few days).

You’ve been searching for your lists, and for your Master List which can help you find all your various lists. Most of them, title or not, are Things To Do. And OH!... how you wish you just be LISTLESS for even a few minutes or a whole hour.

You’ve been doing, it seems, endless loads of laundry the past few days (years), searching for anything that is not yet washed, rinsed, folded, and "returned to sender." ... and then your 3 soccer players come through the door... You could purchase and use the new, improved "Perpetual Motion" washing machine, but it still would never be enough...

You’ve been taking children lo here and lo there all day every day, imitating taxi drivers you’ve met in your life, chatting and trying to strike a pleasant "note" (feeling, perhaps, that you’re tone deaf and there aren’t any notes left in the small-to-begin-with musical part of your brain).

You’ve kicked the dust off and out in seemingly never-ending cycles, occasionally first writing yourself a positive note ("you look terrific today!") ("has anyone ever told you you look like __________" ... fill in the blank with someone you admire not just because of their outward appearance).

You’ve fixed meals and lunches and snacks and picnics for yourself and everyone else over and over and over again... do you think in "your world" you’re going to have a meal last longer (inside the person)? That is, if we do eat Over There.

You’ve worked on your Relief Society or Sunday School or Young Women or Primary lessons for half your life (it seems), and yet you never feel completely prepared. It’s never quite enough. You wonder how often you’ve ever really taught anyone.

You’ve done your best to read from The Book of Mormon or other scriptures every day of your life, but you’ve missed an accumulation of about 93 months’ worth in the total number of years you’ve been on the earth...

STOP! (That’s YOU shouting at MEE, not the other way around, although I was sorely tempted....)

Let’s look at Doctrine and Covenants 104:17, that first little part. "For the earth is full, and there is enough and to spare...." IF you have time, read verses 11 through 18, which will put this beautiful phrase in context.

For now, just consider this message from the Lord: "the earth is FULL, and there is ENOUGH and to SPARE."

What if this means more than just olives, figs, whales, locusts, rhubarb and oi?

What if it also means minutes, hugs, pennies, energy, hope, forgiveness, grace, compassion, understanding, longsuffering, charity . . .

What if it means you not only HAVE enough, but you ARE enough. Yes: YOU!

You, even as you’re "buried" by your dust and your lists and your lack of sleep.

You, with so much on your mind and in your heart which brings tears ... sometimes of joy, sometimes of grief, sometimes of "HELP!... PLEASE HELP!"

I write a little note this morning to tell you that They (Who are in Heaven) KNOW ... They are AWARE. They are deeply interested in YOU. And if you’ll give Them some space, They’ll come and help (yes, even with laundry). Not like friends and neighbors (and even family members?) do... it may be that They’ll shoot a little energy into you with Their sweet magic (actually called miracles). Something like that.

Let Them. Please. You ARE enough if you’re with Them. More than enough when you let Them help.

Lena said...

August 01, 2009

Thank you!
I so needed the chuckle you gave me today and the reality check. Thank you so much!

Lindy said...

August 03, 2009


MEE! You crack me up and fill me up! Thank you dear sweet silly woman :) Lindy
Mary_ellend_edmunds
I’ve been thinking about flight plans.

Years ago I had planned to drive to Rexburg, Idaho, for the inauguration of Joe J. Christensen, a dear friend, as president of Ricks College. Some friends of mine, who were also planning to attend, invited me to fly up with them in a friend’s small plane rather than make the drive by myself.

Even though I’m afraid of small planes, I agreed to go with them because of all the time it would save.

So off we went. It was a four-seater. Dave and the pilot were up front, and Joy and I right behind them. Talking was a challenge because the propeller was so noisy. Mostly I just looked out at the scenery and kept track of where we were.

Some time into the flight, I saw Rexburg and the Ricks College campus. I’d been there enough to recognize it.

The pilot was still shout-talking with Dave, and there was no kind of "initial descent" that I could detect. "Hey!" I hollered. Not loud enough. No response.

"Hey, there’s Rexburg! There’s Ricks!" Joy heard me and shouted at Dave and the pilot.

They didn’t think it could be Rexburg. The pilot shouted back something about his calculations and that we had several more miles to go.

I shouted back, "but there’s Ricks. There’s the stadium right down there!"

The pilot shouted "Are you sure??" Yes, I was sure. I even pointed out the little airport back behind us. I had noticed it as we flew over.

He believed me. He circled, found the air strip, and landed.

I’ve thought a lot about that experience, and about flight plans and staying on course and all. It’s a pretty powerful analogy. A pilot has to submit a flight plan before he or she takes off. Without a plan, how would there be any chance of reaching a destination? Without navigational instruments and communication helps, how would a pilot know for sure if he (or she) were on course? Especially if it were cloudy, or if the plane were over water.

Amelia Earhart made plans to fly completely around the globe in 1937. She had flown across the continent, so she decided to go even further. She left Miami on 01 June 1937. She went across South America, Africa, and Asia. She and her navigator reached New Guinea, and then took off for Howland Island, somewhere out in the Pacific.

On that day, there was rain and fog, and the Coast Guard picked up a frantic message from Ameila: "Cannot hear you ... please take a bearing on us and answer...." There was trouble with the radio. Her final transmission was "Circling ... cannot see island ... Gas is running low .... running north and south...." And then silence. (See David R. Collins, "First Lady of the Sky," The Friend, June 1975, 37)

Somehow the little plane had gotten off course, and was lost along with its two passengers.

Life is like that. There’s a plan — the Great Plan of Happiness — but there is also a lot of opposition (storms, turbulence, darkness, strong head winds and other things) trying to take us off course. We need to make course corrections every bit as much as a pilot in a plane.

Elder L. Tom Perry has flown a lot in his life, and he said he’s been fascinated by looking in the cockpit at all the instruments and controls. He tells of a particular conversation with a pilot:

"I entered into a discussion with one pilot regarding what could happen if he deviated from his flight plan. I proposed deviating just one degree from the charted course. His reply astonished me. He said that for every one-degree variance from the plan, you would miss your charted destination by one mile for every 60 miles you were flying.... On a flight from Salt Lake to Chicago, you would miss the airport and land in Lake Michigan. Going from Salt Lake to New York, you would miss Kennedy Airport and land in the Hudson River. Going to London, you wouldn’t even make England — you would land somewhere in France....

"The pilot explained to me that, obviously, the faster the error is discovered, the easier it is to return to the flight plan.... My visit with the pilot [caused] me to think of how a flight plan parallels the direction we chart for our life’s experience." (L. Tom Perry, "Learning to Serve," Ensign, Aug. 1996, 10)

I think about how much more effective the Holy Ghost is in our lives than any kind of gauges or navigational instruments, or even an air traffic controller. There is really no comparison ... but there is a very good analogy.

Our lives can be aimless without a plan. I guess it’s kind of like what Yogi Berra reportedly said: "You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there." Uh, yes....

Am I on course? Am I headed where I really want to go? Do you find it’s important to think about it — to analyze how your journey is coming?

I think about these things a lot, and I aim to do all I can to have a "happy landing" in the right place.