One holiday season, more than ten years ago, my Sarah asked Santa for a fancy mouse. Since Santa had no place to keep a smelly little rodent until his big delivery night, he asked the owner of a local pet shop to save a certain tiny pink-nosed critter until he could pick it up on Christmas Eve. (This Santa happened to wear skirts and drive a Big Mormon Wagon.)
Getting that animal was all Sarah could talk about. My starry-eyed five-year-old absolutely knew it would be the very best Christmas ever!
The busy festivities of the season rapidly sped by and before Santa was totally prepared for Christmas Eve, it was time to pick up the little mouse for his early-morning deliveries the next day. The pet store closed at 4:00 pm, and he barely squeezed through the doors before quitting time.
Upon asking for the mouse-on-hold, the pet store owner began to sweat. “It’s been a very crazy day,” he explained. “And things got a little bit disorganized.”
“Disorganized?” Santa questioned.
“Yes,” he continued. “Well, uhhh. You see, in all of the confusion, we sold every single mouse, hamster, and guinea pig in the store! But we do have some rats left.”
“RATS?” Santa replied in shock and amazement.
A sudden sinking feeling crept over Santa as he listened to the pet shop guy give a ten minute oration about how rats actually make much better pets than do mice, hamsters, or guinea pigs.
Thoughts of burning ham left in his oven at home began to blur Santa’s mind and he started to envision little Sarah waking up on Christmas morning, only to see a giant RAT staring back at her through the slits of the clean white cage she had chosen in November!
With no other pet store options from which to choose, Santa reluctantly boxed up two baby “female” rats -- a white one with a pink nose, and a light brown one with a grayish nose. (Two-for-the-price-of-one was the very best deal Santa could strike at such a late hour.)
On Christmas morning, Sarah rushed to see the cute little cuddly mouse she had longed for, planned for, and prepared for over the course of several weeks. I held my breath as she peered carefully into the cage.
“Two wats?” she muttered, not yet “R” proficient. She stared at those rats so intently, realizing they were not at all what she had envisioned seeing there that magical morning. I saw her bite her little lip and put a smile on her determined, sweet face.
“Wow! I got TWO wats everybody! Come and see…”
Now, I’m not very pleased about my laid-back planning approach to Christmas that season, nor of the trust I placed in the pet shop owner’s guarantee of raising two female rodents (these rats had several babies - more than once) but I am sort of amazed (and especially pleased) that Sarah was able to just roll with her reality being much less exciting than her expectation had been.
As ambitious, starry-eyed grown women, we might occasionally feel like we’re staring into the cages of our own lives, only to see something MUCH DIFFERENT than we ever planned, hoped, or prepared to see waiting there for us. But like my Sarah, we each have a choice to make when we see the rats staring back. Do we throw a spoiled tantrum? Do we claim we’ve been robbed? After all, didn’t we make our life-expectations ultimately clear to our Father in Heaven through prayer?!
What Sarah had learned so well in Kindergarten that year is also great advice for us when our reality doesn’t precisely measure up to our expectations. And that’s simply, “You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit.” After all, Heavenly Father may not be giving us exactly what we want because He knows exactly what we need.
At least, for now.
by DeAnne Flynn
October 19, 2009
Before I got married, no one ever sat me down and had "the talk." You know, the talk about...laundry. Remarkably, even without previous counsel, I've developed some pretty sweet laundry skills and learned a great deal over the years. Perhaps my greatest realization is how much I've come to respect bleach.
With seven active children, bleach has become my trusted companion – often saving a seemingly hopeless article of clothing. It has disinfected things I would only touch with rubber gloves and a gas mask. But my careless use of this powerful aid has also ruined many more things than I'd care to admit.
Once, in haste, some drops of bleach landed on my favorite laundry room rug. I noticed these drops right away and tried to rinse them out quickly, but the power of that bleach proved to be immediate and irreversible. The next day, I carefully colored the spots in with a mustard colored marker. (I challenge you to find one of those!) It helped, but I'm still reminded of that mistake every time I do my wash. Those bleach spots have taught me a priceless lesson.
You see, bleach is a lot like words.The words we choose can lift and mend, restore and renew. They can also permanently damage and deface. Words are quick and powerful. Once uttered, they cannot be retracted. Whether we use them with care and respect, or thoughtlessness and haste, words can (and do) change lives forever.
I'll never forget the time I overheard some friends joking about some of my weaknesses to one another in a mean-spirited way. When they realized I had heard them, they quickly came and asked to be forgiven. I did forgive, but the experience has been difficult to forget. Like bleach, the cruel stain was immediate and irreversible. Their repentance helped to fill in the painful spot (like my rare and wonderful mustard-colored marker), but the memory of those harsh words has been hard to completely erase.
The Apostle Paul delivered these wise words to the ancient Ephesians, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers....Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. And be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:29-32)
It's so easy to speak before we think. But most of us don't use intentionally hurtful words, we just get lazy and careless. We let our words fly like little drops of bleach here and there without measuring the effect they may have upon the hearer. The problem is, little children (and big adults) believe what we say to them. “Something's wrong with you," or "You just don't get it," or "If you could just see yourself."
I once called my daughter a "turtle" because she often moves like cold tar. One month later, while in a piano lesson, her teacher asked her to play more quickly. She replied, "I can't. I'm a turtle." My careless words had stained her self-perception. If only I could take those damaging words back...
Each day we have the opportunity to mend hearts and empower lives with our words. When we use them to build and inspire – people grow. We we degrade and criticize – people shrink. Our simple words of encouragement and praise can be life-changing.
As a matter of fact, they are.
