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followsthelight

Posts: 20

Posted: 28 Oct 2009 05:22 PM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

My daughter is getting married next spring and my side of the family is not a member of the LDS church. When I was married no one even mentioned that you could do a ring ceremony---would have saved me much heartache---going into the temple without any of my family and not having anyone there with me besides hubbys family was really hard---I don't have great happy memories of leaving my family out of my wedding and they weren't happy they couldn't be there and so one brother didn't even bother to come etc --so I hear that you can do a ring ceremony--how does this work, what is it typically like--I would like to be able to include my family in our daughters wedding. I would really appreciate the help on how to orchestrate this.

pitterpatterchildren

Posts: 107

Posted: 28 Oct 2009 05:41 PM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

Talk to your bishop. We did this with two of our children because of family that was not LDS and they don't exchange rings in the Temple. It is really up to the Bishop how it is done. We did it in the cultural hall before the reception. It was a very small ceremony with just family present. It was very nice and really helped dispell some of the tension from those who don't understand. It is a very simple ceremony but we were very happy with it. I have also seen it done in the relief society room before the family lunch (in between all the decorating :-)) Just make sure you allow enough time to enjoy the moment and still get everything done that needs doing. Hope it all works out for you.

cebemom

Posts: 546

Posted: 28 Oct 2009 07:13 PM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

My husband conducted a ring ceremony for a couple in our YSA ward. No one in the bride's family were members and she was the only daughter.

The ring ceremony was held at the reception center, which happened to be a former LDS chapel that had been renovated for wedding receptions etc. The bride had bridesmaids (all non member friends) and flower girls who walked down the aisle. Her father got to walk the bride down the aisle too. It was all very simple and understated. I don't feel that it took away from the sealing earlier that day.

My husband gave a short talk that wasn't too preachy and was able to incorporate some LDS doctrine without being obvious about it. There was a musical number by friends of the couple. The bride and groom made comments to each other, then exchanged rings. Afterwards, they walked back down the aisle and the family formed a reception line for the guests invited to the ring ceremony. The ring ceremony also began with an invocation offered by the father of the groom (who was LDS).

It was all very tasteful and because the bride's family were active in their Christian faith, I think that they appreciated the somewhat religious undertone of the ceremony. And the father of the bride got to walk his little girl down the aisle.

The ceremony was put together by the couple, probably with guidance from the groom's father who is a high level employee of the church. They sent out formal invitations to the guests.

We had a brand new bishop and he really wasn't involved at all (in fact he was out of the country). My husband was a counselor in the bishopric.

cebemom

Posts: 546

Posted: 28 Oct 2009 07:17 PM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

I should add....the ring ceremony was held prior to the big reception. Only family and close friends were there.

indianaraven

Posts: 5333

Posted: 28 Oct 2009 07:54 PM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

When DH and I were married in Washington, D.C., in 1985, we had an exchange of rings ceremony in the visitors' center after the sealing. A nice gentlemen serving in the temple performed the ceremony for us so that our families could be there with us. There was also a very nice presentation for our families while we were in the temple. It was very nice.

:)

momita

Posts: 584

Posted: 28 Oct 2009 08:57 PM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

Several of my children were married recently and the three who were sealed in the temple chose to have ring ceremonies, my two daughters-in-law had non-member families and my daughter and son-in-law wanted their siblings, friends and relatives who were not able to enter the temple yet to participate. Each ceremony was different, reflecting the personalities involved. My daughter did it in the cultural hall. We left an aisle down the center and set up an arch at one end. She and her husband chose to come in together, after the bridesmaids, etc., since they were already married. Both my daughters-in-saw walked down the aisle with their fathers and met their husbands at the front. (One was in the chapel, one in the cultural hall.) All had attendants. The bishops involved all spoke about temple sealing, and explained that they had chosen to be sealed for eternity, not just for this lifetime. They spoke about the symbolism of the rings, and had them repeat some promises to each other and exchange the rings. Then they walked back down the aisle and the receptions began. One had a reception line, the others chose to just walk around together and greet their guests.
We included the ring ceremony on the invitations...something like we were pleased to announce the sealing in eternal marriage of our daughter to our son-in-law in the Orlando, FL temple of the Church...We request the honor of your presence at their ring ceremony, date and time, etc. Reception immediately following.
I know that there are some who feel that ring ceremonies "take away" from the sacredness of the temple. I respectfully disagree. It allowed the brides and grooms to share traditions, photo opportunities and also their beliefs with their non-member family and friends. It allowed all family and friends who wanted to to be part of the day. The bishops involved all did a wonderful job of making it special, while being very clear that the sealing had been performed in the temple (and why). Hope this helps.

momita

Posts: 584

Posted: 28 Oct 2009 09:03 PM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

One more thing...one dil chose the traditional wedding music, the others chose songs that meant something to them.

followsthelight

Posts: 20

Posted: 29 Oct 2009 12:47 AM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

Thank you everyone! I wish I would have been able to do that! It would have made a big difference with my family. I would be interested in hearing more ideas.

pitterpatterchildren

Posts: 107

Posted: 29 Oct 2009 01:36 PM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

Go talk with your bishop about your concerns and than start asking around and finding what suits your family. We just asked friends and relatives and kept the ceremony very simple. The bishop talked about Temple marriage and the sacredness of it and it really helped mend some feelings with some of the family. It is very hard when there is bitterness with the joy of a wedding. It can be beautiful. Just make sure you plan extra time for the ceremony. One of my daughters ran over into the reception and that was a little interesting, but worth it for the words that were spoken and the love that was there.

dbw6

Posts: 690

Posted: 29 Oct 2009 03:37 PM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

My best friend's son was married this past July to a wonderful and worthy young woman. Her father, and the groom's mother's family was not able to be present for the sealing. So before the reception started they had a ring ceremony. They had an area at the one end of the cultural hall set up like a garden theme ... had a special song said a few words... then had the bridal dance. It was so beautifl...and all those who could not go in the Temple for one reason or another enjoyed the ceremony. Hubby and I exchanged our rings in the sealing room after the sealing ( before we left) because we were having two receptions in different states.

sonah

Posts: 1017

Posted: 30 Oct 2009 04:14 AM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

In the Netherlands, where I grew up, you always have to be legally married in City hall, before you can have a churchwedding.
Everyone most likely has to take a trip of one hour up to a couple of hours to the The Hague Temple. So either you can invite all your nonmember friends and relatives only to the marriage in City Hall (which is usually with the formal weddingdress and all) , go to the Temple to get sealed and then in the evening have a reception + dinner + dance, whichever you choose.

I remember a talk during one of our districtconferences. A sister shared with us how she and her husband were able to give testimony of their religious beliefs, by not serving any alcoholic drinks (and no smoking) at their own weddingparty. In Germany, there's no party without alcohol. To give you an idea: they will go on a biketour with the neighbourhood and bring alcohol :((. Some leave their kids at home, because they don't want to set a bad example, so the kids are not allowed to watch mommy and daddy drink!!
Anyway, many of their guests afterwards complimented them on the party and for the courage they showed to stick to their beliefs and principles.

Now going back to the situation in the US.
If it were me, I would first want to be sealed in the Temple, then maybe do some bridal pictures on the Temple grounds or a nice park (to give the newlyweds some private time also) then have a ringceremony and party afterwards where ALL of my relatives, friends, neighbours etc. could participate.
The Temple Sealing is THE actual marriage, the rest is 'only' decoration, but something worth to enjoy just as much.
Our mormon way of doing things is different, it's completer and I think bringing together the best of 2 worlds is a wonderful chance to give nonmembers a peep into our 'kitchen'. The way LDS marry, is a yummie recipe (no desrespect for the holy Temple Ceremony, but it has a glorious taste, doesn't it?!!) for the best start of any marriage. Even though nonmembers cannot participate in it, it is good that they know the value we lay on it.

nm_mom

Posts: 853

Posted: 30 Oct 2009 07:41 AM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

As a wedding photographer, I've seen many, many ring ceremonies. They range from simple to over the top.

But one thing to think about when planning the wedding, is that if you have non-LDS family members who are going to come and wait at the temple, it is nice (ok, more than nice) to have a FAMILY member who is LDS who is willing to forego the sealing to sit with the family and help them understand why it is so important for their family member to be married in a place they cannot come.

I have waited outside many sealings and done my best to console upset parents and sad family members and try to explain why it is this way and why they should be happy. Many times, those family members really weren't given an explanation of how the gospel works and why we believe temple marriage is so important. It really should come from those they know and love and not a virtual stranger. I know these things are often talked about at the ring ceremonies, but by then the feelings are already hurt and the day is spoiled.

Not trying to rain on anyone's parade here, just sharing a little bit of my 28 years of wedding wisdom.

emilykim

Posts: 29

Posted: 30 Oct 2009 09:00 AM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

Before any plans are made, a discussion with her bishop should be had. My friend's bishop would not let her do the walk down the aisle things as the direction he received was that minimalized the sacredness of the temple sealing and even might overshadow the more important ceremony. They did have a beautiful ring ceremony that he did conduct, but it was very simple. It took place right before the luncheon in the decorated cultural hall. Congratulations on the wedding. I wish you luck in making this a memorable and bonding experience for all of your family.

followsthelight

Posts: 20

Posted: 2 Nov 2009 12:46 AM
Subject: Ring ceremonies and wedding dresses

Yes, I was thinking that too, but just need some ideas...I wish someone would have told me that was an option---would have made my wedding day nicer---but can't change that--so trying to make a great day for our daughter.

Next question---we are going to travel to Utah to look for a wedding dress--any suggestions of where we should look at?

cebemom

Posts: 546

Posted: 2 Nov 2009 07:34 AM
Subject: Ring ceremonies and wedding dresses

There's a bridal store at the Gateway (on the south end, facing 300 South) in Salt Lake City. I can't remember the exact name, maybe Latter Day Bride. So it would seem that they carry temple appropriate dresses. I don't know anything about the selection, price, etc.

Here's the link to their website.

http://www.latterdaybride.com/modest-wedding-dresses.php

I'm sure there are other stores, but don't have names.

dipseydoodle

Posts: 26

Posted: 2 Nov 2009 08:47 AM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

followsthelight,

You've mentioned a couple of times that no one mentioned ring ceremonies to you when you got married.

Nor I. But I don't think they were something people ever did "back then".

I did not meet my inlaws until the wedding. They weren't even going to come, due to the DISTANCE. But at the last second they surprised us by showing up.

I don't believe a ring ceremony would have appeased them. They resented their son joining our church and were looking for things to be upset about. And yes, after all these years the feelings linger. But again, the issues are larger than just not attending the ceremony.

I will echo nm-mom about having someone sit with those who can't attend the sealing while waiting at the temple. With a little more warning and some forethought about it, in my case that MAY have been a good time for someone to answer questions, instead of my inlaws sitting there with underlying resentment building.

Still, even with all the consideration and forethought, ring ceremonies, and whatever else, if people feel entitled to be upset about the whole thing, they will be.

I truly "get" why it is an issue, but just saying, that in some cases, try as you may, you can't smooth things over.

P.S. Over the years I have found it interesting that three of my husband's siblings have gotten married and his parents couldn't attend. One was in another faith from their own and two were elopements to Las Vegas. Those three weddings don't seem to cause any grief about their not being in attendance. Just ours.

kapinni

Posts: 1150

Posted: 4 Nov 2009 09:57 AM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

I do not have an answer to your question but just wanted to say Congratulations! What an exciting time for your family! When is your daughter's wedding?

followsthelight

Posts: 20

Posted: 11 Nov 2009 03:18 PM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

So far we're thinking July--temple not sure--still working out details but need next years temple schedule to come out first. And we need to make a trip to Utah to find a dress. And then talk about all the other little things. Cost is a big issue with us this year--want it nice but we can't go all fancy.

xiaomao

Posts: 708

Posted: 11 Nov 2009 05:08 PM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

I think a ring ceremony would have been a good idea for us too--both sets of parents couldn't attend-my dh's because he had joined the church after leaving home, and my Dad isn't a member. The bishop wouldn't give my mom a recommend--he felt it would divide her and my dad. So there was a lot of resentment and anger that day. My dh is the only son, and as it turns out, I was the only one to get married in my family. But back then, they didn't allow ring ceremonies. It's not a huge topic of discussion anymore, but if our wedding comes up, there are usually a few comments made about how they felt overlooked and excluded. A simple ring ceremony might have made them feel a little more included.
Good luck with your daughter's wedding--it's an exciting time.

mominzion

Posts: 838

Posted: 12 Nov 2009 08:07 AM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

I agree about the ring ceremonies - it helps.

On the dress - David's Bridal - has a huge selection and usually great prices. You should call and find out when they are having their sales. They also alter dresses to make them Temple ready if necessary. But they have a huge selection that is already to go. My niece found a very beautiful and expensive looking dress there for under $500!

followsthelight

Posts: 20

Posted: 12 Nov 2009 03:54 PM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

Thanks mominzion---didn't know you could do that at David's Bridal---they are national I think so that is great! We will do some talking about arranging a ring ceremony as it gets closer--it is going to be our 25th anniversary next year so maybe we can do one too!

ogr

Posts: 76

Posted: 18 Nov 2009 01:59 PM
Subject: Ring ceremonies

we did a ring and cake for our daughter and kept there Temple private.
\
my family is not lds and i didnt want any bad fealings.
our daughter did our Temple then we did a another wedding outside for everyone to come. it was great watching my husband walk our daughter . and to see my sisters be her bridesmaids and to see her grandma be her matren of honor.
but those are great things for here.
the most important was or private Temple.