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By Ashley Linton - Shared at the Boise TOFW event

I have sweet assurances because I know that I am needed and loved despite the fact that I will not be a mother.

For nine years, my husband and I fought to have children. We tried different things and even tried to adopt, but nothing ever worked or felt right.

Throughout this whole experience, I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. I prayed that Heavenly Father would heal me. I prayed for a child. I prayed for a chance to raise a baby with my husband. At times, I would cry and cry. At times, I was angry with my Heavenly Father. I couldn’t understand why so many people were blessed with being a parent and I was not. I told my Heavenly Father what I wanted Him to do. And I just couldn’t understand why He didn’t bless me with that need.

I went through times of doing everything “right.” I did everything I thought I needed to do because I thought I was being punished for some sin and that was why I couldn’t have children.

I went through times of distancing myself from the gospel and my Savior because I was so bitter and angry.

Then, one Easter Sunday, I was in sacrament meeting listening to the speakers. One of them said something to the effect of, “Christ understands our pains and disappointments too. He is there for us. He understands.”

At that moment I realized that I had been healed, just not in the way I thought I needed to be. Gone was the anger I had felt towards my Savior and my Heavenly Father. Gone was the burning need to hold a baby in my arms. Gone was the anger at myself for being so broken. I was healed.

I knew from that time forward that my Heavenly Father loves me. He has a plan for me. And all I need to do is follow Him and hold on and I will see what He has in store for me.

Through His gospel, I have been given the opportunity to become an important part of children’s lives. Through my friends and family, I get to glimpse a little bit of what a parent is. And I am thankful for each of those things.

But, most of all, I am so thankful for my being sealed in the Temple to my eternal companion. I am thankful that we have made those covenants that we needed to make, and that we need to continue to keep, to live with our Heavenly Father again. And, as Sister Beck said, “eternity is much, much longer than mortality.” And in the eternities, if I live up to what I know I need to do, I will be able to be a mother. But for the here and now, I know that I am loved; that I am needed on this earth; that I may not be able to have children of my own, but that I can be an influence for good to so many children around me. And that sweet assurance gives me the strength I need to go on.