Many times a spouse after disclosure is feeling very shocked or betrayed, there is so much trauma. Then it seems that the focus goes to the addict and the spouse gets left out in the cold. This book helps one to understand that we too as spouses have just experienced emotional turmoil. This book should be read at the beginning of this journey and then several times after as there are many stages a spouse will go through on this trying path. There is hope and this addiction is not the end all. Marriages can heal, families can stay together. This book gives hope in all that. I appreciate all the author does to make sure the spouse is not forgotten and is of worth for their own help and healing. She is very dedicated to see that we get the help we so desperately need. Thank you...
My wife and I have shared books and articles in dealing with my addiction, and most generally been helpful. For some reason this book was not one she shared and when she started following how she interpreted its counsel our communication has crashed. This bookpaints a very broad brush for a response to a very personalized issues between 2 individuals in relation to recovery and addiction. It creates very defined and judgemental lines that unfairly define what is someone in recovery vs not. It makes the argument that sobriety is not the same as recovery- which I can accept, but then goes on to define that if certain behaviors appear then I am not in recovery. (pg 36) the behaviors include but are not limited to being emotionally disconnected, easily angered, and showing lack of empathy... which, correct me if I am wrong makes just about every guy I know "not in recovery" at some point during a standard week. The book tells the reader to set up boundries against the spouse until you feel safe- which in principle I can see, but the boundries and distances are not a mutually discussed activity (pg 58) and as I read it, really just seem to be an effort to empowerment of identifying how the spouse can "control" her surroundings. I have found many recovery books very helpful but I completely do not recommend this book and has taken years of the progress my family has made for recovery
This book has helped me understand my role in the addiction of my son's addiction. Rhyll does a great job of giving loving, Christ-like examples of how we can create a better relationship with our Father in Heaven which will allow us to deal with, not only addictions, but any challenges that we have that require the Lord's atoning sacrifice.
The honesty and vulnerability presented in this book offer a shining example of exactly the attitude that will help both an addict and a spouse find joy in recovery from the pain of the horrible situation resulting from a sexual addiction. The 40+ years of lessons learned and shared offer a message of hope and a clear yet difficult path that if followed, has the potential to build the foundation of a marriage relationship stronger afterward than it might have been without the addiction.
Thank you Rhyll, for the incredible message of unconditional love and hope presented so courageously in this book. It is inspiring to see a glimpse of the contribution, growth and joy available to couples who choose to work individually to connect with their best selves and then with each other.
Is it possible that recovering addicts and their spouses have the opportunity for greater intimacy and closeness in their relationships than couples not 'blessed' with the education and mutual vulnerability available to those who pass through such a difficult experience together?
I am an addict whose spouse chose divorce. Observing the pain that my young children experience in the situation, through no fault of their own, causes me tremendous pain and sorrow. That said, I strive to focus on the good that has come to me and on the good I can do for others through my experiences.
The work Rhyll and Steven are doing has had a tremendous impact for the better on my life. Thank you for an inspiring example of the benefits available to those who succeed in leaning into the pain and growing from life's challenges.
I highly recommend this book to affected spouses as a beacon of hope and description of practical, clear, difficult actions which if taken can lead to inner peace in the face of affliction. Addicts may find within the pages a poignant description of the pain experienced by those attempting to love them when, because of the addiction, the addict does not have the ability to give love back.
To all who suffer: may you find peace through recovery.
This book was written with the Spirit. It emphasizes agency, gratitude, and living in the present moment. She discusses her experience with her higher power and encourages all people to discover the God of their understanding and connect with him regularly. Every day I see how my life has been blessed by reading this book.