What Can I Do About Me?
What Can I Do About Me? is both heartbreaking and heartwarming. It tells the life story of a headstrong mother of 7 children, Rhyll Croshaw, and her personal struggles due to the trauma of her husband’s pornography and sexual addiction. She tells of the choices she made, both mistakes and successes, along this journey, and comes out on the other end not only alive, but a stronger, healthier person with more joy and peace in her life than she could have ever imagined.
Thoughts from the author: I struggled for over thirty years to recover from the trauma of my husband’s sexual addiction, and I continue to work on my recovery one day at a time.
Here is my important message: recovery and peace are possible.
It is my hope that this book will help you find . . .
- A pathway to healing
- Hope in the present and in your future
- An understanding of what real recovery looks and feels like
This path to peace includes:
- Recognizing that there is no way but through
- Setting boundaries is the most loving thing I can do
- Forgiveness is not the same as trust
- I can’t, but He (God) can, and I will let Him
- Having gratitude in the present moment
- Self-care is His care
- I’ll row my own boat
- I can live happily. . . one day at a time
What people are saying about What Can I Do About Me?
This unique book not only provides a powerful and authentic narrative about the gut-wrenching realities surrounding a spouse’s pornography and sexual addiction, but it also illuminates a pathway to healing for anyone feeling shame, isolation, fear, or indescribable pain as they deal with this or similar issues.
—Jill C. Manning, Ph.D., LMFT; Author of What’s the Big Deal About Pornography and Let’s Talk About the Elephant in the Room.
This book taught me how to respond to my husband’s addiction in a way that has provided true healing. I found peace in these pages.
Rhyll’s story is an unflinching and honest window into the pain that sexual addiction can cause. It represents three stories of learning and redemption as it explores Rhyll’s journey from anguish to understanding, Steven’s path from addiction to recovery, and their continued relational healing as a couple. The courage displayed by this remarkable couple should provide genuine hope to many as they discover that their own path to peace is reachable.
—Donald L. Hilton Jr., MD. Author of He Restoreth My Soul.
By bonnie, Submitted on 2015-02-25
Many times a spouse after disclosure is feeling very shocked or betrayed, there is so much trauma. Then it seems that the focus goes to the addict and the spouse gets left out in the cold. This book helps one to understand that we too as spouses have just experienced emotional turmoil. This book should be read at the beginning of this journey and then several times after as there are many stages a spouse will go through on this trying path. There is hope and this addiction is not the end all. Marriages can heal, families can stay together. This book gives hope in all that. I appreciate all the author does to make sure the spouse is not forgotten and is of worth for their own help and healing. She is very dedicated to see that we get the help we so desperately need. Thank you...
By m, Submitted on 2015-02-25
My wife and I have shared books and articles in dealing with my addiction, and most generally been helpful. For some reason this book was not one she shared and when she started following how she interpreted its counsel our communication has crashed. This bookpaints a very broad brush for a response to a very personalized issues between 2 individuals in relation to recovery and addiction. It creates very defined and judgemental lines that unfairly define what is someone in recovery vs not. It makes the argument that sobriety is not the same as recovery- which I can accept, but then goes on to define that if certain behaviors appear then I am not in recovery. (pg 36) the behaviors include but are not limited to being emotionally disconnected, easily angered, and showing lack of empathy... which, correct me if I am wrong makes just about every guy I know "not in recovery" at some point during a standard week. The book tells the reader to set up boundries against the spouse until you feel safe- which in principle I can see, but the boundries and distances are not a mutually discussed activity (pg 58) and as I read it, really just seem to be an effort to empowerment of identifying how the spouse can "control" her surroundings. I have found many recovery books very helpful but I completely do not recommend this book and has taken years of the progress my family has made for recovery
By Jerry, Submitted on 2015-02-25
This book has helped me understand my role in the addiction of my son's addiction. Rhyll does a great job of giving loving, Christ-like examples of how we can create a better relationship with our Father in Heaven which will allow us to deal with, not only addictions, but any challenges that we have that require the Lord's atoning sacrifice.
By Jan, Submitted on 2015-02-25
The honesty and vulnerability presented in this book offer a shining example of exactly the attitude that will help both an addict and a spouse find joy in recovery from the pain of the horrible situation resulting from a sexual addiction. The 40+ years of lessons learned and shared offer a message of hope and a clear yet difficult path that if followed, has the potential to build the foundation of a marriage relationship stronger afterward than it might have been without the addiction.
Thank you Rhyll, for the incredible message of unconditional love and hope presented so courageously in this book. It is inspiring to see a glimpse of the contribution, growth and joy available to couples who choose to work individually to connect with their best selves and then with each other.
Is it possible that recovering addicts and their spouses have the opportunity for greater intimacy and closeness in their relationships than couples not 'blessed' with the education and mutual vulnerability available to those who pass through such a difficult experience together?
I am an addict whose spouse chose divorce. Observing the pain that my young children experience in the situation, through no fault of their own, causes me tremendous pain and sorrow. That said, I strive to focus on the good that has come to me and on the good I can do for others through my experiences.
The work Rhyll and Steven are doing has had a tremendous impact for the better on my life. Thank you for an inspiring example of the benefits available to those who succeed in leaning into the pain and growing from life's challenges.
I highly recommend this book to affected spouses as a beacon of hope and description of practical, clear, difficult actions which if taken can lead to inner peace in the face of affliction. Addicts may find within the pages a poignant description of the pain experienced by those attempting to love them when, because of the addiction, the addict does not have the ability to give love back.
To all who suffer: may you find peace through recovery.
By KayLee, Submitted on 2015-02-25
This book was written with the Spirit. It emphasizes agency, gratitude, and living in the present moment. She discusses her experience with her higher power and encourages all people to discover the God of their understanding and connect with him regularly. Every day I see how my life has been blessed by reading this book.